The Language of Healing: Learning to Communicate Through the Pain
How self-awareness and communication become your bridge from heartbreak to wholeness
As I sit here in my room at my best friend’s house in Chicago, I process.
I am processing this pit in my stomach that has not gone away. The ache in my chest of letting go and finding a new reality — one that was probably long overdue. Not one I wanted to face, but one I knew I needed to.
They say that to get over someone, you must get under someone new. And trust me, with all the many DMs and being around for all the Love Is Blind madness lately, I have plenty of opportunities. But this time, I’m choosing not to. I’m being intentional — selective with who I let in, both physically and emotionally.
Last night, I spent hours chatting with a guy I met a few years back when Mike — the situationship — had broken up with me. Back then, it was easier to flirt, distract, even hook up to fill the void. But now… now I love myself. And that love makes me unwilling to settle for half-truths and fragments of affection.
I’m in love with Mike, or at least the version of him I thought existed — the one my heart created because it wanted so desperately to be held safely. But I’m also repulsed by the lies, the cheating, the manipulation. The hold he had over me was disguised as connection. When I held him on a pedestal, he held me down in shame. He hid me.
So as I lay in bed messaging this new guy — someone kind, funny, yet so different from me — I found myself speaking up in ways I never used to.
About what I value.
About what I will and won’t tolerate.
About honesty.
He told me he wanted to move to Florida, and I laughed. I told him that wasn’t a place I could ever see myself living. Not because of the sun or the beaches, but because of the politics, the energy. He said he was a “moderate” and that people there aren’t “woke.”
And while part of me wanted to exit the conversation right there, another part wanted to practice — to engage from my grounded self, not my reactive one.
So I listened. I asked questions. I held space, but I also held my boundaries.
Because I’ve learned that communication — real, conscious communication — isn’t about agreeing. It’s about understanding. It’s about learning how to connect without abandoning yourself.
“I’m in love with Mike, or at least the version of him I thought existed”
The Types of Communication I’m Learning to Honor
Every relationship — romantic, platonic, professional — lives or dies by the quality of communication that flows through it. And that communication isn’t just words. It’s energy. It’s tone. It’s truth.
Verbal Communication — What We Say
The words we speak shape our reality. For years, I silenced my truth to be liked. Now, I speak it to be understood.
Friendships: Builds transparency and trust.
Work: Creates clarity and alignment.
Romantic Relationships: Builds emotional safety.
Clarity is kindness. When we speak from truth, we give others the chance to meet us there.
Nonverbal Communication — What We Don’t Say
The body never lies. The way someone looks away, changes tone, or withdraws says more than their words ever could.
Friendships: Presence and empathy are felt, not spoken.
Work: Confidence and respect are read through energy.
Romantic Relationships: Every touch or silence tells a story.
Sometimes, silence says everything our mouth can’t.
Emotional Communication — How We Feel
True communication comes from the heart, not the ego.
Friendships: Vulnerability creates connection.
Work: Emotionally intelligent spaces are more creative.
Romantic Relationships: Sharing feelings builds compassion over conflict.
Emotional honesty bridges hearts faster than perfection ever will.
Active Listening — Hearing Instead of Reacting
Listening is love in practice.
Friendships: Keeps others from feeling invisible.
Work: Prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.
Romantic Relationships: Creates emotional repair instead of defensiveness.
When we truly listen, we love louder.
Assertive Communication — Truth with Respect
Assertiveness is not aggression — it’s self-respect in action.
Friendships: Prevents resentment.
Work: Builds credibility and confidence.
Romantic Relationships: Allows you to stay authentic while staying open.
Boundaries are bridges to healthy love, not walls against it.
Conscious Communication — Speaking from the Heart
The most powerful communication begins within — with awareness of your own triggers, wounds, and tone.
Friendships: Creates safety and compassion.
Work: Encourages collaboration over competition.
Romantic Relationships: Turns conflict into connection and healing.
When we speak from the heart instead of the wound, everything changes.
The Beauty in Discomfort
There is beauty in discomfort. That’s where we learn, heal, and grow.
Learning to communicate in friendships and relationships has been difficult for me. I used to run, shut down, or explode. I thought silence was strength, but it was actually suppression. Now, I’m learning that real strength comes from staying — from speaking — from showing up truthfully.
If I want to build trust with others and expect honesty from them, I have to do the same.
Because healing isn’t just about forgiving the past — it’s about learning a new language.
A language of honesty.
A language of love.
A language that doesn’t hide who you are.
Ready to Learn the Language of Self-Love?
If you’re ready to rebuild your relationship with communication — with yourself, your boundaries, and your worth — explore:
The Break The Cycle Course — SIgn up for the 2026 course a trauma-informed series designed to help you rewire old patterns and reclaim your power in relationships.
Almost Doesn’t Count: A Journal to Heal After Almost Love — your daily companion to process heartbreak, release attachment, and rediscover yourself through guided prompts.
Because the next time you open your heart — it deserves to be heard, held, and honored.
